Say no (when you mean it)

So many people are terrified of simply expressing the fact that they do, in fact, not want something, and make incredible mental gymnastics to come up with reasons on why they would not be able to do something.

It’s Friday evening, and you’ve had a hard week at work. Friends invite you out, but you’d rather just get some rest. The fact: you DON’T WANT to go out. So why do you, instead, say “I can’t go out because I have to be up early tomorrow morning” or “I have a headache, I can’t”. You don’t want to. It’s that simple.

Your best friend has been inviting you to this morning yoga class. You don’t care about yoga. You don’t like waking up early. You DON’T WANT to go to morning yoga. So why do you keep saying “This weekend I can’t, I have to visit my family” or “My back hurts, I can’t do yoga now”. You don’t want to. Be honest.

You’re having dinner with a group of people, everyone orders a bottle of wine. You don’t want to drink alcohol. You’re trying to drink less and be healthier. So why do you say “Oh I’m sorry I’m taking a medication can’t drink tonight” or “I have a headache, won’t be drinking tonight”. You DON’T WANT to. That’s a short answer.

These are generic examples but I’m sure you’ve done something similar – I sure have – and it’s ingrained in our social rules. We’re socially groomed to excuse ourselves when we don’t want something. We need to justify it – coming up with little white lies, and mental gymnastics, to explain the simple act of NOT WISHING TO DO, which is our own agency. A person is not allowed agency, they need to rely on external forces they have no control over – the family visit, the headache, the medication – to justify what should require no justification whatsoever. The simple fact they don’t want something.

I’d like to invite you to exercise your right to say no by starting to not want things. It’s more honest, empowering, and it builds trust with people around you, by allowing them to share the same with you. You don’t need to justify your wants – no one does. People are allowed the right to say no. Say no to a night out, say no to pizza, say no to morning yoga or to run club. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t want it. Say it.

Not wanting something is a complete answer, and in return you make the world a more honest place.