Shallow Memes and How to Get Rid of Them

Over the last couple of years I’ve had some friendships gone the way of memes. I’m sure this happens to a lot of people and it’s insidious – at first they’re normal friendships, you chat, laugh, connect. Then you start sharing a funny meme or two on social media. And then, months later, you realize you haven’t had a single meaningful conversation, it’s all memes.

While I will agree it can be a cute way to say “I saw this and thought about you”, memes are not meaningful relationships. They have the same emotional depth as waving “hi” at someone. And if you ever wonder why you have been feeling so lonely and isolated despite having so many people you message regularly, consider this: are you having conversations – are you interested in what is happening in your friends’ lives – or are you simply sharing funny images for the sake of sharing them?

This is not meant to make anyone feel guilty – the world has been through a lot this decade – and relationships changed. We were forced to keep a distance from otherwise close relationships. We’re in the process of re-learning how to be good friends again. I, too, have many endless meme threads with lots of people. I’d like to change that.

That change requires effort, though. We’ve grown used to the “memeship”, and a lot of what real conversations are made of – real life issues, like having a bad day at work, struggling with family problems or being sick – are now swept under the rug, and replaced with a funny GIF, so everyone can pretend they’re happy and not a bother.

The reality is that no one wants to be a bother, but also, no one wants to be bothered. Thus leading to this endless cycle of shallow memeship. This is where I ask you – communicate! Use words! Like I am using right now. The secret of finding the limits of bothering each other in a relationship lie in having a conversation – exactly the thing we’ve been all avoiding. The moment we feel safe to say “I’m sorry, I don’t want to / can’t talk right now” and the other person responds “Thanks for letting me know, we can talk later!” the pressure is gone. Those people now know they don’t bother each other and that friendship is a safe one. A friendship where they can talk when they are comfortable to do so, instead of relying on funny memes to play pretend.

I’m working on re-establishing real connections with my friends. I like conversations. I like talking to people and learning what they have been doing. I have friends I’ve known for my entire life, and that’s because I talk to them. Memes don’t help with that. Conversations do. They’re worth every effort. I’d like to challenge others to do the same. Make friends not memes.